Michael Goodwin

Night Shift Blues

“From Night Owl to Early Bird: How to Survive the Transition”

As a lowly retch who was welcomed back into the good graces of the day dwellers, I will help you transition from a midnight ghoul to a full-fledged member of society again.

Switching your days and nights around might be easy in your twenties, simply pull an all-nighter and crash. Problem solved. If you’ve been on midnights for ten or more years though, the adjustment can be difficult. Thankfully, however, it is not impossible.

So, prepare for me to welcome you back into the sunlight with as little consternation as possible, and by the end of this article, you will no longer refer to the sun as “The Terror Sphere” and hiss when it rises each morning.

Where Do I Begin?

The first thing you will probably need to do is ditch the blackout curtains.

More than likely, you had to make certain adjustments to your home décor to keep out the sun and sound of the daytime. As this has no doubt made you look Adams Family-ish, maybe it’s time to go ahead and go for a less Transylvanian look.

Unbelievably, in not much time, you will enjoy the sunlight and birds. You will no longer seriously consider throwing rocks at the chirping menaces, in point of fact, you won’t be referring to them as menaces at all. So where to begin? Begin by embracing that which you once hated (not literally, of course, birds are teeming with parasites and disease. Flying Petrie dishes.)

Why Do I Feel So Creepy All the Time?

The feeling you are describing is most closely related to “Jet Lag.” This delightful condition happens when your circadian rhythms are upset, usually by crossing time zones, or in your case, having a new work schedule. Circadian rhythms, by the way, is a fancy term for sleep pattern. So let’s get you sorted out.

First off, know that you’re in for a variety of very real physical symptoms:

• Headache
• Insomnia
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Mood Swings
• Upset Stomach
• Loss of Appetite
• Cognition Fog

All these delightful little bonuses affect travelers each year as they try to acclimate to their new time zone. Unfortunately, this will mirror your switchover as well. While not life threatening, they can certainly make life uncomfortable for you and your loved ones. Thankfully there are ways to adjust relatively easily and quickly to your body’s little rebellion.

• Water

While this may sound obvious, cold water (surprisingly not vodka,) can go a long way to helping you relax, settle an upset stomach, and balance your metabolism. Adjusting to a new schedule can be taxing on your hormone levels, and remembering to stay hydrated is one of the things likely to slip your mind.

• Caffeine

Correct! The lifeblood that helped you become a blue-collar Dracula in the first place can itself be the holy water that burns that evil right back out of you. At first, your body will respond to the sun, cloudy skies, and little squirrels with the desire to lock yourself away in the back of your house with a healthy scorn for all creatures that flyeth by noonday. Well, you’re one those creatures now (please don’t go on your roof and try the “flyeth” thing.) So, for the first week or so, you might need an extra cup of coffee to help you maintain your new, sunburn prone life.

• Clean Your Room

No, this isn’t an existential concept about keeping your life uncluttered. I literally mean keep your sleep space uncluttered. Hell, light a candle and burn some incense (don’t go overboard, ya hippie.) You are going to want your bedroom (hopefully you have a bedroom, if it’s the backseat of a Buick, well then get a new air freshener buddy, it’ll get better,) to be comfortable and inviting. You’ll be surprised how easy it’s going to be to adjust to a new schedule if you make it so.

• Chemical Warfare

Okay, you drank more water than Jaws, you are more caffeinated than the 10^th Armored Cavalry, and your room technically qualifies as museum grade in its cleanliness. It’s also midnight and you’re staring at the ceiling muttering not so nice words at the author of this article.

Well, my friend, time to step up your game. Let’s get some pharmacy grade solutions in that old bloodstream.

First off, start easy. Supplements are out there that have little to no real side effects. Melatonin, CBD oil, and over the counter sleep aids exist relatively cheaply. Many of these won’t affect you like a bottle of Scotch and a BB King album, but that’s okay, you want to take the edge off, not cry yourself to sleep blubbering about a woman named Lucille (I know that was his guitar and not a woman, but stay with me here, I'm educating you.) You are looking for natural sleep and adjustment, so just a little help may be all you need.

Unless of course, you need more...

Anxiety and depression medications are also plentiful and abundant. While they should not be used as a first response, they may be in order if you just can’t get used to adjusting. This will of course require a doctor’s prescription, so consulting with a medical provider will be necessary. Lucky for you, you get to do that now, since you aren’t in your coffin, I mean bed, all day anymore.

Still, chances are you will not need this level of medication. The simple truth is that most folks adjust pretty easily. Just know that this is another remedy in the toolbox in case you need it.

Why is it so Quiet?!

As strange as it sounds, one of the hardest things to get used to when sleeping at night is the silence. This is to be expected, as for years you have slept while the world was up and atom (or at them? Adam? Whatever. Moving around.) This can make it hard for you at first to embrace the silence that only midnight can give (or hearing loss, in which case you can skip this part.)

So how do you overcome the uncomfortable silence? Since this isn’t Christmas with that spooky relative who makes everyone uncomfortable, you can actively combat the silence (you can combat relatives as well, but that involves a shovel, a tarp, and a long weekend.)

1. 1. White Noise Machines are a thing. I know the prospect of spending money on some chunk of plastic that makes a static sound seem the behavior of a madman, many find them to be relaxing and helpful. If these fail, others use music, podcasts, audiobooks, or talk radio. Try not to listen to anything too engaging, however, or you’ll be defeating the purpose because you’ll be trying to stay awake to listen. Incidentally, many people use old movies for this very reason. You won’t exactly be biting your nails on your twelfth viewing of Aliens.
2. 2. Essential Oils can offer you some help as well. Yes, it sounds questionable, but essential oil diffusers or any aromatherapy options can really help you relax. Try for a scent that relaxes you though, let’s skip the ones that smell like cookies or pies, you really don’t want to be hunched over baked goods at three in the morning. For so many reasons, really...
3. 3. Temperature adjustments can help you immediately. Turn the thermostat down a few degrees and you’ll see that huddling up with a blanket is vastly preferable to laying in a pool of sweat, angrily fuming that you cannot sleep. It’s a snowball effect, you see. The more you can’t sleep, the angrier you get. The angrier you get, the more you can’t sleep. Want to know what really gets the anger juices flowing? Your juices. Specifically, your body’s cooling system (that just seems to make you feel swampy, as opposed to really cooling anything.) So, if it’s summer, chip in a few extra bucks on the air conditioning. If it’s winter, well then Rockefeller, count the pennies you’ll save by not firing up the furnace so often. Your body, and your now dry sheets, will thank you.
4. 4. Avoid fluids! Correct, I know earlier I said to hydrate, but stop drinking about three hours before bed. This is because the last thing you want to do when you finally get comfortable is make a run to the latrine (that’s a French term for bathroom that the military likes.) It goes without saying (but I’ll say it, because I’m verbose,) you should avoid caffeine during this period as well. No food either, as heartburn isn’t exactly known for its relaxing effects.

Why is it so Scary?!

Well, a very bizarre thing happens when you only see a few people a day: you aren’t a fan of large gatherings. Social anxiety is a very real problem. Mental health concerns are certainly prevalent among midnight shift workers, but those who transition back to daytime shifts may face increased difficulties. Large social gatherings are certainly going to take some getting used to, but simple tasks such as grocery shopping are made much more difficult when the store is crowded. Night shift transitioners may find this overwhelming at first, but thankfully it isn’t a permanent condition. Working lonely nights took some conditioning and time, readjusting will as well.

The process can be made easier with a support system as well as simple breathing exercises. If overcome with anxiety, deep breathing and focusing on pleasant thoughts can go a long way to passing through a panic, or anxiety, event. Just remember, you aren’t actually in any danger, though it will certainly feel like you are.

So, while adjusting to your new life will eventually lead to a much less stressful experience, know that it may seem difficult at first. These fears are both common and rational, just know they can and have been overcome by many before you.

Any Final Words of Wisdom?

The reality is that your body wants to sleep at night. You aren’t some Victorian Era ghost, creeping along a boarding school, helping teenagers solve mysteries, you’re a person. So, steer into the skid on this one. Trust your body and nine times out of ten it’ll work itself out pretty well. As said in the introduction, if you can, sometimes just staying awake a few extra hours will be sufficient to help you sleep that night. Yeah, you’ll be tired and feel out of step for a day or two, but you’re beginning an exciting new chapter in your life.

So, embark on an exciting new adventure! One of rush hour traffic jams, sunscreen, grocery shopping with people not in bathrobes, talking to an imaginary parrot, and much more.

Know that your time among the ancient order of Graveyard Shift Workers has come to an end. Be wary, however, we are an unforgiving lot, prone to irrational grudges. As such, you are hereby forever branded “Daywalker” and shall be viewed forever with suspicion and contempt.

In all seriousness, with just a little patience and even less effort, you will do just fine in your new routine.

Just let it happen and you’ll be all the better off for it.